Ms. Charlotte Ford
Macaws Magazine
950 Macaws Avenue
Macaws, Macaws 10015
 

September 10, 1990

            I have always held you in very high esteem, because of your impeccable column on etiquette that is the very highlight of each
issue of Macaws. Your approach to awkward situations has always been irreproachable, and I have always admired your great dignity
and grace.

            I was therefore somewhat taken aback, my dear, when I noticed the announcement of your daughter Elena's engagement in this week's Sunday New York Times. I have several questions that I hope you will address in your column.

            First, do you agree with the Times' recent decision to include men in the photographs of weddings, and especially
engagements? I know I don't, but we are all entitled to our opinion, I always say, and "chacun a son gout," or, as we feminists always say, "chacune a sa goute!!"

            Second, do you feel that men should use mousse in their engagement photographs, or is that just sweat in Stash's hair?
And I must say, darling, that the plant growing out of your little Elena's head is most becoming.

            Next, the list of your accomplishments in the announcement is, as always, most modest, and, of course, impeccable. Was there any reason that you did not list the parallel credentials of the mother of the prospective groom. Is Sophie so shy that she does not want her captaincy in the Southampton Ladies Bowling League mentioned? I also understand that your in-law-to-be, Jozef, in addition to his great skill with the Gravely tractor and backhoe, is a direct descendant of the noted Cossack, Bogdan Chmelnitzki, and is himself the past leader of many a successful pogrom. Should not this information have been included in the announcement?

         I do look forward to the wedding. What a splendid ethnic affair it will be. The piles of kielbasa and pirogi, combined with the mounds of spanikopita and moussaka that Stavros will undoubtedly contribute, will blend so beautifully with the watercress and Philadelphia Brand cream cheese that you and Edward will serve,

         Well, darling, Priscilla must run. I just wanted to share a bit in your joy at the happy event. You have a lovely daughter, and are so lucky to add a marvelous new son-in-law and his charming family to yours.

         Can't wait for the invitation,
 

Impeccably,
 
 

Priscilla
 

P.S. How wise of you schedule the wedding in October 1991. The late date will silence those sniveling cats who are muttering,
"Obviously the gardener knocked her up." And a lot can happen between now and then. And even if nothing happens, by then
everyone will have forgotten.